On the nature of the Member of Parliament for Harrrington's

 

The point of having an 'Age of Reason' was to get it out of the way several hundred years ago so we don't need to do the whole thing again and have French encyclopaedia salesmen cluttering up the hallway or gloomy coves wanting you to sign a social contract.




Millie is not impressed. She had intended a tour of cheese producing areas in north of France this June and now the whole bally mess in Parliament is threatening our supplies of Mimolette this autumn.

I feel, at this point, a word of explanation is required for newer members. In 1605 some of our chaps were playing sardines in the cellars of the old club, it was up West in those days - before the Great Fire. Bounder called Fawkes stumbles in; chaps gave him a bit of a ragging, nation saved, cheers all round and the club is made a Parliamentary constituency along the lines of the  Universities but without the need to have Dons banging on about what do we mean by 'a haddock' or if a tree falls over in a forest who is going to clean up the mess.

Generally, MPs should be there to add to the gaiety of nations, open village fetes and hold forth on the importance of French windows in a well ordered society. Under no account should they be allowed near government, which should be left to the Civil Service, who, after all, were picked for what they know and not merely because they come across as sincere on the wireless.

Well, the job of MP went to any cove who wanted to avoid his family in the winter months and we -knowing a few well placed chaps, avoided the changes that have been in vogue for the last two centuries - and carried on returning a Parliamentarian every 4 years or so. Members have a record in debate that makes Isaac Newton look verbose and have been described variously as 'politely reformist' or 'Tory Anarchists', impeccably mannered would be more accurate.

I do not remember how the last election night started, or ended for that matter. Bowyer was there, that is certain. Well, after one thing and another it appeared that we had elected the Maid of the Cheese pantry as our representative among the demos.

I won't embarrass Millie by retelling too many of her stories about the Commons - who knew there were so many different words for dunder-head. She has never really forgiven us for letting you know who out to interfere with the smooth running of things after we had been given the job of keeping out of harms way.

If it's all right with you chaps I will assure Millie that no one else what's the blessed job of MP and she can get back to Normandy to ensure the Neufchâtel and Livarot arrive on time.

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